Seriously weird news round-up: Florida and Illinois (and the coming zombie apocalypse)

Today ihopericksantorum helpfully rounded up some recent disturbing news — probably based on the most recent account of that guy who was shot dead by police while he was biting / eating a man’s face in Florida. The reports say he was on drugs, probably bath salts. Look at this list over the past few days:

Zombie apocalypse coming soon

5/16: McArthur High School HazMat Situation
Students, Teachers Decontaminated After Breaking Out In Rash

5/19: No confirmation on chemical at Fort Lauderdale International Airport

5/21: Police: Man bites woman in Westchester (actually Illinois

5/23: I-285 reopens after hazmat incident

5/23: Man Bites Cousin’s Nose Off

5/24: Second Broward school reports mystery rash

5/25: Hazmat Called After Kids Exposed To Pesticide On Bus: Hazmat, EMS Respond To Lake County, FL School

5/25: ‘Disoriented’ passenger subdued on flight in Miami

5/26: Naked Man Allegedly Eating Victim’s Face Shot And Killed By Miami Police

5/26: Florida Doctor Spits Blood at Highway Patrolmen After DUI Arrest

All in same week and same state…. may God be with you Florida.

The reports are all in Florida except for the woman-biting incident, which is actually in Illinois. But here’s something else I ran across today from Illinois — which was tweeted at around 1:00 a.m. this morning from the automated Illini emergency alert system (via: theatlantic): 

The Tweet That Begins the Zombie Apocalypse

This is not the kind of Tweet you want to see from a feed that describes itself as “an automated Twitter feed provided by the Illini-Alert System” that is “not actively monitored by a human being.” In essence, we have a robot reporting to us that some kind of hazardous material — what, we don’t know and can’t discover — has been released within a biotechnology research center.The Institute for Genomic Biology has a wide variety of research programs including stuff like “host-microbe systems.”

For 52 minutes, that was all the information that was available. Then, two tweets came in fairly quick succession. The first said that the “spill” was “contained within the building.” The second said that the building had been safely evacuated and “The fire department is on scene.”[…]

There’s something chilling about, “Escape area if able to do so.” Escape? From what? And why wouldn’t I be able to? WHATS HAPPENING?!?!

Ok, sorry. Carry on. I’m sure zombies aren’t closing in on Chicago or anywhere else.

All clear, everybody. Put those bug-out bags away.

IT’S ALL CRAZY. Notice everyone jokes about the zombie apocalypse : ) Which reminded me about that slightly (or not so slightly) disturbing news last week about DARPA’s new project, where they want to implement assembly-line genetic engineering. I guess we should just be thankful that nothing’s been happening around the University of Wisconsin-Madison (where they’ve been researching strains of the 1918 Spanish Flu and the airborne H5N1 Flu). YET.

One day we’ll just hear the sirens go off. That’s as much as we’re ever going to know.

UPDATE * * * 

5/29: Florida — A Palm Coast man was arrested on suspicion of biting the lips off a kitten and strangling another cat

5/27: New Jersey —  A man who stabbed himself repeatedly in front of police — and then threw his skin and intestines at them — remains in critical condition (they sprayed two cans of pepper spray at him with NO EFFECT to try and subdue him):


5/31: Your Zombie News / End Times Update

About these ads

13 thoughts on “Seriously weird news round-up: Florida and Illinois (and the coming zombie apocalypse)

  1. Pingback: FOIA info: words that DHS analysts pay attention to, patrolling the internet for threats | Under the Mountain Bunker

  2. Pingback: If Zombies are real… | The Fuzzy Elevator

  3. This just clearly shows that people are getting rabid from their own sheer stupidity and ignorance … Obama probably has something to do with it

  4. Pingback: Your Zombie News / End Times Update | Under the Mountain Bunker

    • @slobhan

      For article 1, look at post date.
      For article 2, look at post date.

      Both over 2 months ago, second article was 6 months ago.

Comments are closed.