Of course, in an enormous mansion somewhere in this great country, Bill O’Reilly is sitting on a pile of money and already preparing for next year’s War on Christmas. It’ll begin just after Halloween, when the first lights go up on people’s houses and trees. And it’ll end, as every year, when the Christmas holiday is celebrated without a hitch. — kohenari
“Since you asked the question, “Am I nuts to think there’s a war on Christmas?” it’s only polite for me to offer you a resounding, “Yes, you’re f*cking nuts.” Because, for whatever annoying local ticky-tac Christmas-abolishing story you and your merry band of persecution-seeking researchers can scour the wires to turn up, the rest of us can’t swing a dead elf without knocking over an inflatable snow globe or a giant blinking candy cane. For god’s sakes! Fox News itself is located in Midtown Manhattan, the epicenter of all that is godless, secular, gay, Jewy, and hellbound. And yet, even here, all around your studio, it looks like Santa’s balls exploded. In the olden days, before the “war on Christmas” the celebration of the birth of Jesus lasted a day, like birthdays do. … There’s a war on Christmas? Has anyone told Thanksgiving? ‘Cause this year, Black Friday, AKA Christmas’ opening bell, got pushed back a day to “Black Thursday.” Or as we used to call it: Thanksgiving. Christmas is so big now it’s eating other holidays.” — Jon Stewart, 12/3/2012
“It’s, well, Christmas all over again. The Grinch is trying to steal our holiday. It’s been so beautiful, the nation comes together, we sing Christmas carols, we give gifts to each other, we have lighted trees, and it’s just a beautiful thing. Atheists don’t like our happiness, they don’t want you to be happy, they want you to be miserable. They’re miserable, so they want you to be miserable. So they want to steal your holiday away from you.” — Pat Robertson, on The 700 Club, gearing up for another War on Christmas.
Maybe the real “war” on Christmas can be found in out-of-control consumerism:
In terms of income inequality and cheap prices at Walmart, “the four Walton’s who rank in Forbes’ list of the wealthiest in the country are worth almost as much as the bottom half of all Americans…. their wealth comes at a price to taxpayers. One study found that California Wal-Mart workers were 40 percent more likely to be on public assistance, which costs taxpayers $86 million a year.”
The protests on Black Friday were an attempt to call attention to how Walmart shoppers contribute to workers low wages — and to their own low pay – by further enriching and subsidizing greedy employers like the Walton family.
- Reuters: Walmart protests draw crowds BUT SHOPPERS UNDETERRED: Protesters demanding higher wages and better healthcare for hourly workers thronged to Walmart stores across the country, though there was no evidence they disrupted operations for the start of the crucial holiday shopping season.
- Businessweek: Wal-Mart Union Protests FAIL TO DETER BARGAIN-SEEKERS: Jamie Walsh faced a Black Friday dilemma: take advantage of Wal-Mart’s deals at the Salem, New Hampshire, store or support union-backed protesters demanding better pay and benefits. In the end, the deals won the day.
- Chicago Tribune: Walmart protests draw crowds, SHOPPERS LARGELY UNFAZED: Dozens of local workers, and hundreds nationally, took advantage of Black Friday crowds and camera crews at major retailers like Walmart to call for wage increases. But there was little evidence that the chanting disrupted holiday shoppers.
After the protests, will people “now link Walmart’s low prices to ‘a circumstance where taxpayers are subsidizing Walton’s billion dollars of profits‘” — and even if they do, will they even care if they can buy another cheap tv?
Where’s the “spirit” of Christmas in Black Friday?
Please, do go on.
Talk about trying too hard. From the HuffPo:
The Scottsdale Gun Club in Arizona is offering a twist on the annual photo with Santa by allowing rifle-wielding families to pose alongside St. Nick.
On their website, the shooting range advertises the event with a catchy tagline: “Get Your Holiday Picture With Santa And His Machine Guns!”
Both adults and kids are welcome to choose from a variety of armaments — from pistols to modified AR15s — before sitting on Santa’s lap for a photo, according to MyFOX Phoenix.
Peace on Earth is for pussies and libtards when there’s a War on Christmas®. IN YOUR FACE, Jesus — you want to see a real exit wound?
War on Christmas® is a registered trademark of Fox News.